I thought I’d add a page to my blog, perhaps a diary of sorts on my year of experiencing more. I’m somewhat amazed how this became a thing for me. I honestly thought it would be like everything else I’ve started with enthusiasm and it would fizzle out within a week. But no, if anything it is gaining momentum. For a quick reference to what I’m talking about, my blog post is HERE. I’m not sure what format this will take but here we go….. (maybe start at the bottom and work your way up to the present.)
Starting any new chapter in life is hard. Heck, Change is hard – plain and simple. There have been many new chapters of late and my newest adventure is … wait for it….The Gym. Ya, that evil three letter word… that establishment with the glass frontage that I remain at a safe distance from and stare at the people who run in place – and wonder why?. Holy cow, I’m on the other side of that glass panel now!
The real question is why. Why now? There is the answer that I give most people – my health. And that’s great but it’s not everything. I’m going to the gym with my husband and if you read me, you know he has his own struggles and exercising will be a huge part in keeping a healthy mindset going forward. Doing this together helps both of us. But, this isn’t about him. It’s about me and my journey.
Being handed the diagnosis made me take stock of my life. My role going forward will be that of a caregiver and I can’t do it if I’m not healthy – mind and body. I’ll need energy to keep everything together and take care of everything that needs taking care of. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to be draining and I’ll need to be fit. If he falls, I need the body strength to pick him up or at least get him into a safe position.
January 29th is when I started to focus on my nutrition. I’ve lost 25 lbs and now I’m adding exercise to my regime. I’ve got myself a personal trainer to start things off properly and here is the thing – I’m starting slow, real slow. Working with a personal trainer who has tailored my workouts to what I can realistically do, taking into consideration my goals and previous dislocated shoulder was for me, a great investment.
One of the highlights of all this. Fitting into size medium. Oh Yes… medium. Living life in XXL and then realising that I fit into something considerably smaller – no words. Also, the different machines and pumped up bodies in a gym is freaking intimidating. I have a feeling I’m going to like what this does to my body. If I’m totally honest, 25lbs ago I don’t think I would have been open to stepping into a gym. That’s probably because I’ll always be self-conscious of the way I look – always. Because even if I know I fit into a medium in my brain, I’ll always be XXL. Wow, that last sentence was tough to write.
While I was taking the picture of this broken spine, held together with tape – it gave me the inspiration to write this post. I don’t want to end up like this spine.
Also people, getting out of a sports bra is hard !
As you’ve noticed, I’ve been absent from this space. I’ve been struggling lately on whether I should blog about the goings on in my life on a much more personal level. Each and every day people struggle with various things at varying degrees. From the girl at the coffee shop who handed you your change for that morning double-double to the telemarketer who is just trying to make their quota. They all have something they are going through. I’m not sure I’ll be able to help anyone (that’s not the goal here) but if I’m able to give someone comfort in the fact that there is someone else out there going through something similar, then that is all I can hope for.
Quite recently my partner was diagnosed with Parkinson. I didn’t know a thing about this degenerative condition other than Michael J. Fox and Mohamed Ali were both diagnosed. I have to admit to being in complete and utter denial about the diagnosis until last week. My mind told me that it had to be something else, something simple and curable. But no, this is something that we are going to have to go through not only as a family but most of the “holding everything together” will fall on me.
I have a son with Tourette’s, this brings on social anxiety and attention deficit. My youngest has ADHD (without hyperactivity) and my oldest is figuring life out. So when the diagnosis of Parkinson hit, I felt completely overwhelmed.
After I came to terms with the diagnosis, I was in “we need to get things in order” mode. This meant anything to do with finances, wills, power of attorney etc. Since the disease affects everyone differently, there is no way of knowing what our quality of life will be in the coming years. There will be good days and there will be bad days. I’ll embrace all the good ones with open arms.
It’s going to be hard for me to open up, it always has been a struggle. This won’t be where I’ll discuss my partner’s problems or that of my family. It will be a space where I share how I navigate the various obstacles that will be thrown on my path. But most importantly it’s a reminder not to forget myself when I’m dealing with all the hurdles.
Since my post, I’ve been just trying to get my bearings on how this project could work for me. Really asking myself “what do I want more of ?”. I find that being honest with myself is not as easy as I thought it would be. With a little soul searching, it ended up that I wanted :
- do more things just for me
- open up more on my blog
As I started thinking of myself more – I’m going to open a huge parenthesis here….. (I started cooking more of the things I enjoy eating. You see, the kids don’t enjoy fish or Brussel sprouts or lentils but I seriously love them. So, even if I have to make two different meals, I’m doing it !) And, this has translated to shedding some pounds. Yay !! However, I’ve lived at this weight for the last 20 odd years and this newness is something that will take some getting used to. Embracing this new skin and the evolving transformation is going to be an interesting journey. It’s odd because I didn’t necessarily want to loose weight when I started this. It’s such a peculiar thing – how one step leads to another.
I’d also like to try and open myself up a bit on my little corner of the blogosphere. I envy those people who can blog openly about their lives, feelings and thoughts. I’m not sure I’ll be that much of an open book but this side page of my blog is a good start.
What other little things have I been doing just for me ? Obviously I’ve been reading quite a bit (that’s nothing new!) Organizing my room, I donated 3 bags of clothing and there will be more in the coming months ! This means I’ll have to do some shoping – I dislike clothes shoping – just the thought makes me want to run and hide – but perhaps, fingers crossed – I’ll learn to enjoy it a little more !
So, welcome to my journey of diving into “more” this year. Since I’m reconnecting with the foods I love, I hope to share some delicious recipes and hopefully some interesting little slices of life along the way.